hi everyone!
today my post is a serious one. and as a disclaimer, i have gone back and forth on posting this, as i absolutely do not want to come across with negative intentions. but i have noticed recently that some of my friends are becoming disenchanted with lolita communities, online and in-person.
in an effort to improve my own community and myself, i thought that i could open a discussion on my blog that may give us all ideas to help each other.
please comment if you would like to give some imput!
give back and contribute
to give back, we must volunteer something that is valuable to us. for example, time -- you could volunteer your time to help mod your local comm, start your own meetup, organize a fashion walk, staff or run a panel at Rufflecon (or an anime convention), or help guide new lolitas in your comm and online.
another example is money, which as lolitas, is a very important and valuable commodity! think of where you spend your money -- these are the companies that you are supporting. i try to buy my lolita items from shops in my own country when i am able to. always support authentic brand items. even though they are largely popular, lolita fashion houses are small businesses.
spending our money consciously will in turn strengthen our businesses and give opportunity for growth - this could be more events, new shops, new items and so on!
spending our money consciously will in turn strengthen our businesses and give opportunity for growth - this could be more events, new shops, new items and so on!
consider the practices of the businesses that you regularly shop from. recently, some terrible news has come to light about Dolluxe, the company who created Gothic Lolita Wigs, Rock Star Wigs, and Cosplay Wigs USA. i will not support them because their shockingly disgusting treatment of models and customers. i implore you to read here and here about this situation.
some alternatives for shopping at Dolluxe:
- your local wig shop (my favorite in Boston is Dorothy's Boutique)
- MintyMix
- Lockshop
- L-email
- Arda
- eBay, Taobao
build content
building content could be as simple as attending meetups and connecting with others! friendships will build and strengthen from attending community events. other ways to create content could be sharing useful information such as a review of a company/shopping service, starting a blog, making tutorials, or even starting your own lolita-centric business! even though Valentine's Day coming up, think about submitting a Valentine any time of the year for a good friend of yours or someone whom you admire!
for online communities - think about where you are posting.
do the sites you frequent harbor negativity? what does that do for your mood?
personally, i miss the simplicity of using EGL on Livejournal - currently, many frequently used tools for communication are hosted on Facebook or Tumblr. while i appreciate these websites as a way for us to post and interact, they don't necessarily cultivate a feeling of community.
keep an open mind
when meeting new members, interacting with others online, or meeting someone who you have heard rumors/gossip about, please try to give them a chance. see for yourself how they are and how they treat you before you pass judgment on them. if the newest member in your comm has a lot of questions about the fashion, do your best to be patient and guide them when possible. that girl who you've heard is a total bitch could actually turn out to be very sweet and become a close friend.
bury the hatchet
in all communities, drama or unpleasant interactions with others are inevitable. however, holding a grudge long after the fact will really only hurt you. you will be holding onto negativity which is not healthy for anyone's mind or heart. you may become jaded, less likely to welcome new members to your comm, or alienate others with your negativity. you don't need to forgive this person by any means, but do your best to let go of the hostile feelings towards this person.
ask yourself, "what makes me happy?"
every now and then we should check in with ourselves. are you happy in your community? do you enjoy your online presence? does wearing lolita still make you happy? when you are at a meetup, are you genuinely enjoying yourself? it's good to ask yourselves these questions because if you are not happy, there is a problem. try to find the source of your unhappiness and work on it. it is always okay to take a step back from your comm or posting online if it makes you feel stressed, anxious, sad, or angry.
remain positive
please do your best to be positive in your thinking and actions - it makes a huge difference in how you feel and how others perceive you!
what do you think can be done to improve your community?
until next time!
☆jessi
Great post, thank you!
ReplyDeleteAll these things are simple and obviously but that's true. It's a pity that not everyone follow these rules :/
thank you very much! :)
Deletethis is very true. here's hoping that more people will start to recognize how greatly their decisions and actions impact the community on the whole.
I love this post, I couldn't say it better. I really hope this can get through to the larger western community. There has been a lot of hate and drama and it's quite draining. I mostly try to ignore it, but it finds its way back in a lot.
ReplyDeleteBut your points are super valid, A++ post!
thank you so very much! i hope so too, and that maybe we can all take some time to reflect and try to work towards a more positive environment for us all :)
DeleteWow, this was great! I left my local comm some time ago, and have only spent time with my close lolita friends since then, but lately I've been thinking about trying to help the community that I left (largely due to drama/lack of active participation) and try to make it better for the girls I hang out with and all of the new people still finding out about lolita but only having an inactive community to turn to.
ReplyDeleteThis was along the same lines as some of the ideas I had, but gave me some new ones also, so thank you!
Wow, this was great! I left my local comm some time ago, and have only spent time with my close lolita friends since then, but lately I've been thinking about trying to help the community that I left (largely due to drama/lack of active participation) and try to make it better for the girls I hang out with and all of the new people still finding out about lolita but only having an inactive community to turn to.
ReplyDeleteThis was along the same lines as some of the ideas I had, but gave me some new ones also, so thank you!
Thank you because you have been willing to share information with us. we will always appreciate all you have done here because I know you are very concerned with our. Be a man
ReplyDelete